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In the night
When/ce the wise doth slumber
Amid covers around shoulders pulled tight
Safe/Saved/Away from wind and thunder
A castle doomed to fire and plunder

An open gate -my fault, my blunder
Fierce demons ravage and blight
Betrayed, my mind rent asunder
In darkened room with toil and fight
No work will be done tonight


Struggle/s past, close of another door?
Talons claim, from heaven: hope reborn
Witness the start of one day more?
Jaguar slain, thick jugular torn
Deep brown eyes once care free, worn

Blue and grey-cast morning dawn
As rising eagles soar
One looks out on weary morn
Hope's taking flight, more sure
Great bird's eggs laid out on the floor
©2005-2009 ~toonarmycaptain
:icontoonarmycaptain:

Author's Comments

Something I wrote not soon after dawn after a....not so flash night

A better title could be suggested...

Comments


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:iconburnedbonemeal:
I actually like this quite a bit. I will try to give suggestion as best as I can:

''Whence'' sounds best to me in this one,

maybe make around into 'round to add to the olden-day type style you have here

I think the this line would look good with a comma
''Safe, away from wind and thunder''

I hope this helps :D

--
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and those who love it shall eat its fruit." -Proverbs 18:21
:iconsquirrels-are-evil:
your ryhming is awesome...keep it up

--
"...for the inclination of the human heart is evil from youth" Genesis 8:21
:iconredheadviolinist:
Very well done!

--
:rose: I am your Angel of Music :butterflytwo:
:heart: Music is the sound that feelings make...
:iconuniquesnlss:
i like this, at the begining, it is still night out, and you write about allt eh mythical terrors that roam in the night. you play upon nightmares that humans have, and then slowly, as the sun rises, they go away and you use the dawn as day, a new change, there is hope now, now that the sun is up.
i love it. and the rhyming is amazing too

catt~

--
its like geeking out without the drugs
:icontoonarmycaptain:
thankyou! :)

--
Talk to me! MSN - toonarmycaptain@hotmail.com

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October 3, 2005
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