In the night
When/ce the wise doth slumber
Amid covers around shoulders pulled tight
Safe/Saved/Away from wind and thunder
A castle doomed to fire and plunder
An open gate -my fault, my blunder
Fierce demons ravage and blight
Betrayed, my mind rent asunder
In darkened room with toil and fight
No work will be done tonight
Struggle/s past, close of another door?
Talons claim, from heaven: hope reborn
Witness the start of one day more?
Jaguar slain, thick jugular torn
Deep brown eyes once care free, worn
Blue and grey-cast morning dawn
As rising eagles soar
One looks out on weary morn
Hope's taking flight, more sure
Great bird's eggs laid out on the floor















Comments
''Whence'' sounds best to me in this one,
maybe make around into 'round to add to the olden-day type style you have here
I think the this line would look good with a comma
''Safe, away from wind and thunder''
I hope this helps
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"Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and those who love it shall eat its fruit." -Proverbs 18:21
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"...for the inclination of the human heart is evil from youth" Genesis 8:21
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i love it. and the rhyming is amazing too
catt~
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its like geeking out without the drugs
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Talk to me! MSN - toonarmycaptain@hotmail.com
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